Worried understanding your fantasies will kill the magic?

Does breaking down the story narrative within your sexual fantasies make it less sexy?

Hell no! It leads to much better real-life sex! Here's why. 

Just like we are hardwired for sex, we are also hard-wired for stories. 

"Human beings have been telling stories as long as there’s been a language to tell them in. We think in stories, remember in stories, and turn just about everything we experience into a story, sometimes adjusting or omitting facts to make it fit."

~ Carl Alviani in The Science behind Storytelling. 

You'd think we'd all naturally be born brilliant storytellers then, right? Turns out not so much. 

While we can all instinctually tell the difference between a satisfying and unsatisfying story, the art of actually telling a satisfying story is learned. 

Amongst writers, there is pretty much a never-ending play fight between planners and plotters. 

Plotters plan out their entire narrative, character back-stories, arcs, themes, core desires, obstacles, midpoints, climax and denouement etc. They plan their foreshadowing and tricksy slights of hand to distract you and make a surprising plot twist. They then fill in all the details, and that makes the story.  

Pansters write from the seat of their pants. They prioritise connecting to their intuition and making things up in the moment. They write to find out who their characters are and what will happen next, because they don't know any more than their readers do yet! They are more concerned with losing themselves in creative flow and writing from the pleasure of play. They then go back after the first draft is done and fix up all the narrative structures so the story is engaging and satisfying. 

Do you know what both plotters and pansters have in common? 

They have a deep understanding of how stories work. 

Pantsers can only magically find all those sweet story moments on the fly because they know how narrative structures work. They may be acting intuitively in the moment, but that is on the back of having learned how to break down a story into its parts and understand them. 

It's the same with sex!

When I created tailored sexual or BDSM experiences for thousands of clients based on their unique erotic wiring, I was more like a pantser. I played from my gut in the moment, lost in the flow state of play, but I was really bloody good at it because I understood how the erotic psyche works, and because I took the time to break down the key elements within each client's sexual fantasies before play began. I learned their desire story narrative by taking a closer look at their sexual fantasies, and I brought it to life seemingly like magic. 

There was a lot of learned skill behind that magic. 

Just like there is a difference between hearing a tale from your mates down at the pub, and watching a movie by a master storyteller, there is a difference between having sex with someone from a place of horny instinct - and having sex with some who understands: 

• How the erotic psyche works
• How your particular erotic narrative works

 Here is an excerpt from my diary where I recorded the reactions of my clients back when I was a sex worker. 

"Do you know how I felt up there on that table when you were doing all the things to me?" he said, grasping my shoulders and making sincere eye contact. "I never felt like that in all my life! That was heaven! I did not know I could feel that way. You know, I felt like I wanted to marry you and be with you forever. I didn't want it to end."

Then he fell on his knees before me and kissed my pubic mound with joyous reverence.

Yep, I am back [after holidays]. It was particularly vindicating after hearing all the criticism of how I was too fat to attract a husband while I was away in SE Asia, because this chap was from SE Asia. Take that detractors! I shall just go over here and roll my fat around in today's takings shall I? Husband shmusband. Pfft. " 

Do you want to be able to get that reaction too? Or have someone create that reaction in you? 

Then, you need to understand your innermost erotic stories. Far from keeping you stuck in your head, understanding your sexual fantasies gives you the power to drop even deeper into the flow of play in the heat of the moment. Want to learn how?

Check out my Sexual Fantasy Coaching Program and be guided step-by-step into erotic mastery. Part practical skills, part sexual self-discovery journey exploring your own sexual fantasies. 

Artemisia de Vine 

artemisiadevine.com