Some are drawn to work with me because they want a practical problem in their sex lives to be resolved. They initially ring my metaphoric doorbell because they are in pain and want to find a solution, and then stay because, in the process, they find so much more.

Or perhaps they book that first discovery call because they are motivated by the advancement of their career, learning new ways to support their clients, and in the process, earn more money. Hey, we gotta eat!

Others are drawn to the mystery of the erotic. They hear the inner siren call beckoning them, singing not only of pleasure and romance but of something numinous beyond that. They hear the yearning of their soul to be in love with the wonder of their own existence and their place in an incredible universe.

They intuit that the erotic psyche holds the map and they want a guide to show them how it works.

The thing is all these approaches are right. It is all connected.

Sex is the gritty business of sweat and cum and of relating to other people with conflicting ideas of what the moment means. It takes learned skills to navigate bodies, hearts and minds and enter ecstasy together.

Certainly, there is a huge gap in the market when it comes to skilled practitioners who can guide their clients into the fuller potential of their sexual fantasies and the workings of the erotic psyche. Smart people see the need and want in on that first wave of a new movement.

And make no mistake, The deVinery Method is a whole new way of conceptualising and approaching the erotic psyche. It’s a fundamental paradigm shift in approaching the way we understand and engage sex. It is a smart career move to get on board!

(Hear what Lex has to say as they just finished their 6-month training).

But sex is also the very force that creates life, everywhere, in all things. It is the Great Mystery! Working with the erotic is also a philosophical, existential game of embodied discovery! Some call this spiritual, others do not. I leave that up to you, but no matter how you frame it, it all ends up in the same place.

That is, in ego dissolution moments of astonished, euphoric wonder where we have a direct experience of a much bigger sense of ourselves, and a visceral experience of merging with our lover, and being re-connected to All That Is.

Sex as a Creation Myth

I like to imagine that the very first thing that ever happened in the universe was sex. My creation story goes, that when The One decided to become the Many, the very first thing that had to spring into existence was Desire.

Venus if you like.

Because if The One was content being the One, then there would be no change. Just undifferentiated everythingness and nothingness. Without Desire, The All, would just contentedly be The All forever and never change.

The One had to Desire to become Many. The first urge ever was erotic. It was to create “Other” through sex.

In the BlueRose creation story, The Goddess  (The One), saw herself in the mirror of the black curve of the void of space and was astonished! She had her very first experience of ever having an “other” to interact with. She made love to herself - and Life in its eternal kaleidoscope of forms, sprung into existence.

The first being that sprung into existence became her lover. They forever pulled apart from each other only to then come back together and merge again. Moving from “I” and separation to “We”  and back to I and back to we again. An experience mirrored in sex as we know it now. A coming together and pulling apart both physically, emotionally and psychologically. 

This eternal dance of the tides in all its bliss and all its pain, is symbolically mirrored in our sexual fantasies and patterns of turn ons. Desire created this dance. It created the wanting. Wanting to be separate and wanting to merge back as one. Over and over. Beautiful, painful, joyful, exquisite! The yin yang of life was born.

What a powerful force!

Perhaps the big bang was the first orgasm!

Desire can wreak havoc or it can be the motivation for the most exquisite beauty and most profound of experiences. Certainly, learning how to understand Desire's wisdom and be in relationship with with this powerful force, is a far smarter thing to do than to remain in mistrust of it and wonder why we keep getting buffeted about by it. If we know how to ride the currents, we are no longer capsized by them. We may even have the best of adventures!

I don't believe that guff!

You may have a totally different creation story, and that’s fine too! The point is not whether or not my favourite creation story is true or not. Truth is not the point of stories. The point is, what do I get to experience when I temporarily enter this story as though it is true?

Stories are magic devices that create our experiences of ourselves and each other.

They are the technologies of our consciousness, if you like. They may be make-believe, but the effect they have on our bodies, emotions and minds is very real!

One of the great skills in life is the ability to try on different stories, fully immerse yourself in the experience, and then come back out again to try on another story.

Stories can be navigation tools to explore meaning and consciousness! 

And of course sexual fantasies are stories.

Understanding them and engaging them in embodied play is an incredibly powerful and profound thing to do! Not to mention its fun. A LOT of fun!  

Sex Stories

In my former role as a sex worker and professional dominatrix, I was struck by the powerful stories about sex that my clients came in with.

There were the stories they told themselves about why they wanted sex, and then, if I listened properly, I could hear another voice from deep within them, spinning other stories into being. I could hear the siren song of their Desire. That part of them knows things their everyday conscious mind does not.

This primal part of them was often disregarded as frivolous, or sometimes even dangerous, but when I truly listened to it, it was super wise. That part of them has been shamed, shunned and disregarded, but that part is the very compass that knows the eternal dance of moving from “I” to “We”, and if we listen properly, to a direct experience of merging back into “All That Is”. Then back to “I” again. 

I’d sit them down on my red velvet couch, and over a tea ceremony, I’d ask them all about their past peak sexual experiences and their sexual fantasies, and I’d ask them to imagine their ideal sexual encounters. I made an art form of asking the right questions to draw out the wisdom of their Desire despite their own resistance to it.

And I’d listen. And trust their turn ons. They are the map.

Then, I would create a real-life play experience that brought that deeper yearning to life in consensual, embodied play.

That’s when it would happen. That moment when our everyday personalities and defences just melted away. That’s when we felt the bigger sense of self, when we let go into pure experiencing in the moment.

That’s when it felt like our primal self, our everyday self, and our higher self were in alignment and fully present in the here and now.

That’s magic that is. Pure fucking magic. Pun intended.

We got there because I trusted their smutty fantasies.

I didn't try to make their desires and fantasies "nice" because they made me feel uncomfortable. I didn't try to sanitise them to make myself feel safe or to fit the latest political narrative about feminism, gender or systems of oppression. I didn't project my own meaning-making stories about my past traumas onto them. I didn't try to change them to make them fit my ideals about what spiritual sex and love should look like. 

I faced them as they were and listened deeply. I accepted they were there for a reason. I let them teach me and show me the way.

I trusted their fantasies of threesomes, being used, domination and submission, of golden showers, bondage, spanking, masochism and sadism. I trust their fantasies of being forced to be cross dressed and be used in a glory hole. I trusted their fantasies of cheating and taboo relationships like older aunt and younger nephew.

I trusted their stories of being the experienced one to introduce an innocent person to their first amazing sex experience. I trusted stories of being seduced by kind daddy doms, prince charming, naughty nurses, and of being worshipped as a Goddess and the primal animalistic rutting of being called a Whore.

I trust the romance, the sweet feather kisses and the cruelty of being made to beg and prove their submission.

I trusted it all.

Not as literal instructions, but as stories that take us somewhere important inside ourselves.

And I made an art form of bringing that symbolism to life in embodied sex and BDSM experiences. Not necessarily literally enacting their fantasies at all. Instead, focusing on the stories and creating the same effect the stories did in our play together.

Do you want to learn how?

There are two ways you can do that.

Private Mentoring

There is the full six-month training program in The deVinery Method where you are personally mentored into a deeper relationship with your own erotic psyche while also learning practical tools and skills you can use in your real-life sex or BDSM. This can focus on your private life, your career, your desire to delve deep into the sexual Mysteries, or a bit of all of this.

This is private coaching, not group training, because this is the only way to truly learn all the skills while also taking a deep dive into your own erotic psyche. It is personalised mentoring focusing on where you are at and where you want to go. The only way this can work really is if I give you my full attention and create a mentorship designed just for you. Clearly I can only take on a handful of people at a time for this level of bespoke mentorship.  

If you want to find out more you can book a free zoom call and we can have a conversation about it. 

Or you can join in my new offering.

The DeVinery Salons - monthly online group learning

Starting this Thursday, June 20th 2024, I will hold a monthly online group training in a particular aspect of The deVinery Method.

Each month I will focus on a different aspect of what makes our sexual fantasies and and unconscious meaning-making erotic stories so powerful. The format will be on introducing a concept and giving you a practical thing you can try for yourself as well as time to Q& A.

What kinds of topics will the salon cover? 

We might explore stories of power and surrender.

We might explore the importance of erotic paradox in creating triggers to change states of consciousness.

We might talk about how to run a thread of emotional aphrodisiacs throughout a play scene.

We might explore particular forms of poisons (our ego’s fear of vulnerability) and antidotes (the story solution to resolve that fear) and how they create erotic alchemy.

We might break down particular genres of fantasies and notice what psychological mechanisms to look for. 

Certainly, the topic of sex and consciousness will be a recurring thread. 

I aim to honor all levels of the erotic. Overcoming practical problems of sexual relating, while understanding how this might look in your career, and exploring the numinous ways of the great erotic mysteries. 

How do I sign up?

I am still building out the landing page to describe this new offering but you can begin by joining us this Thursday by learning the Eros cultivation Method - daily practice that brings the primal, higher self and everyday self into alignment using paradoxes.

(If you are reading this in future, check out my website for the latest salon topics and dates.) 

This is a foundation skill that only takes 5 mins a day to practice but can have a profound impact on the kinds of states of consciousness you can access during sex or BDSM.