What is

The deVinery Method?

The keys to desire, true satisfation and expanded states of consciousness are hidden in your

Sexual Fantasies! 

 The deVinery Method was developed and is exclusively taught by Australian philosopher, former sex worker/professional dominatrix and author of "The Spirituality of Smut" - Artemisia de Vine.

 

What is it?

The deVinery Method is both a groundbreaking philosophy and a transformative embodied practice for creating real-life date nights.

It uses the magic of adult play and stories to explore desire and consciousness by harnessing the surprising genius of sexual fantasies.

As well as a way of having truly satisfying sex, it’s also a way of processing the complexities of being human and being in an intimate, dynamic relationship with the whole of yourself, with others, and with Life.

 

Why do we have sexual fantasies?

Artemisia de Vine's radical reframe of why we have sexual fantasies is this.

Far from being reduced to frivolous entertainment, or being created by restrictive social systems like religion or patriarchy, or being leftovers from unfinished childhood business and trauma... 

Sexual fantasies are the exact stories our ego needs to hear to overcome its natural, healthy fear of vulnerability, and stand aside so we can lose our(selves) in the moment. 

Sexual fantasies hold the keys to ego dissolution experiences and help us move from our normal everyday state of thinking and being, into being turned on. Afterall, being sexually aroused is an altered state of consciousness, where we think and feel differently.

At their most basic, sexual fantasies help us let go of our inhibitions so we can go for it! This opens the way to orgasm, which the French call la petit mort  - the little (ego) death.

However, when we realise that sexual fantasies are designed to change our state of consciousness, we can use that same mechanism to access even more profound expanded states of consciousness.

We can have embodied experiences of merging and moving from:

"I" to "We" and, when we know how, to Oneness with All That Is.

Artemisia de Vine's ideas not only show why sexual fantasies are normal and healthy, but are necessary!

How does The deVinery Method harness this mechanism?

Sexual fantasies are consciousness technology that harness the three paradoxes inherent to sexual desire.

They may be make-believe, but the effect they have on our minds, hearts and bodies is very real.  

The deVinery Method is a way of using consensual sex, or BDSM for those inclined, as the perfect playground to harness these paradoxes to trigger changes in consciousness.

Similar to zen koans, we can use paradoxes to trigger an array of beneficial and often profound expanded states of consciousness. However, instead of merely thinking about them, we embody them in play and share them experientially with our lovers.

The Three Paradoxes at the Heart of all Sexual Fantasies  

Artemisia de Vine's groundbreaking philosophy is that all sexual fantasies are stories about the three paradoxes inherent to sex. It goes like this. 

To lose myself (ego) in the moment and change states of consciousness, I must follow and fulfil my own sexual desires - but how can I do that without harming, or being harmed by: 

My own ego or desire

My lover/s

My community and the moral fabric of society

How can we trust our desire and follow it when it seems to ignore threats to our physical well being, self worth, self identity and social status? I mean desire is the force that thinks it's a great idea to eat all of the donuts and have a cake too.

In addition, desire seems to want to dissolve our sense of self altogether and merge with another - which, to an ego, feels like death.

Paradox 1 - Self versus Self:

There is always a conflict between what ego wants for us (avoid risks and stay safe) and what desire wants (take all the risks and lose ourselves in the freedom of pure experience).

You feel a version of this inner conflict whenever you develop a crush on someone and want to ask them out. Desire is all for it! In fact, desire is so strong it's hard to think about anything else. You find flimsy excuses to be near them. 

But you also pretend that you didn't make that excuse to be near them because ego is against the vulnerability of risking rejection. An ego is convinced that asking them out is a death-level risk. What if they don't like you back? What if they laugh and humiliate you? What if everyone finds out? No way! Don't make the first move! Make them do it! 

You feel this in both wanting them to know you like them and desperately not wanting them to know at the same time.

Your ego is right, it is important to protect your self worth, self identity and social status. Desire is also right. You cannot access life's greatest treasures without risking vulnerability. Paradox. 

We can learn from how sexual fantasies explore these themes by symbolically including our ego's fear of vulnerability (poison) and by creating the perfect antidote to that fear. It is clever sexual alchemy.

 

Paradox 2 - Self versus Lover: 

There is always an inherent conflict between what is best for ourselves, and what is best for our sexual partner. That is because, despite the precious lies we tell ourselves, no one has the same turn-ons as we do. Ever. 

We each have different erotic narratives because we have different versions of ego resistance.

The only way to lose ourselves in the pleasure of the moment is to follow our own erotic patterning, but the whole point of having sex is to feel as though we are "both into it" together.

In fact, it feels way too unsafe to be vulnerable if they are not turned on by our turn ons, too.

So whose erotic narrative do we follow? I'm not just talking about what sex acts we do, and whether we choose a sex style that is romantic or primal. Even more fundamental than that is whose deeply ingrained strategy for ego dissolution do we follow? 

Faking it, compromise and taking turns in role play only get you so far. How can we resolve this impossible paradox?

We can learn from how sexual fantasies process this conundrum through themes of being used or objectified, domination and submission and in romantic stories where the perfect lover just magically wants exactly what we want. Just to name a few.

Paradox 3 - Self versus Community: 

Likewise there is always an inherent conflict between what is best for society and what best for the individual - yes even in the most liberated and inclusive societies. We are constantly navigating the push-pull of choice between prioritising ourselves or the greater good.

This manifests in collective attitudes about who it is ok to have sex with. The correct when, where and how of it all inevitably bumps up against what an individual desires at that moment.

You may want to have sneaky lunchtime sex on the desk with your boss, but what will that do to the work culture with regard to favouritism?

You and your boss might think what you do behind that closed door is your private business, but how does it affect workplace concentration if sexy sounds are ringing down the hall?

Or if someone walks in and finds out you used a space designated for work for your own private pleasure?

What you want to use the venue for and what the collective work culture wants to use it for are in conflict, so what do you prioritise? Your desire or the greater good? Both matter. 

We can learn from how sexual fantasies process this through themes of being naughty, taboo, exhibitionism, the excitement of getting away with sneaky sexual acts in public and dirty talk, just to name a few. 

The Genius of Sexual Fantasies

Sexual fantasies are stories made up by our own psyche about our personal strategy for navigating these three paradoxes.

Humans would still have taboo sexual fantasies even if we had the most robust ego, the perfect childhood, and the most sex-positive community.

Sexual fantasies provide the perfect permission slip to allow us to follow our desire compass all the way home to ourselves, and each other - and to direct experiences of something bigger than ourselves.

That is, the profound awe and wonder of experiencing ego dissolution Oneness states.  

The Philosophy at the Heart of it

At its core, The deVinery Method is about learning from sexual fantasies so we can create real-life sexperiences that have the same powerful effect in ways that do not harm ourselves, each other or the fabric of society. 

Not by trying to live out the sexual fantasy like a script but by noticing the mechanisms that made the fantasy work and creating consensual containers to play with those mechanisms spontaneously.

We do this by learning how to: 

1. Trust Desire: Not as a fleeting impulse, but as a profound compass that knows the way to deeper satisfaction, meaning, and connection. In fact it is the only "organ of the psyche" that knows how to fulfil our nameless yearning, and guide us home to Oneness.
2. Harness Generative Paradox: Move beyond "shadow work", "conscious sexuality/kink", and polarity models and stop trying to resolve contradictions. Instead, deliberately use them to generate both sexual excitement and new ways of being and knowing (third flip). 
3. Create Containers for Emergence: To build the right conditions—whether through sexual play, conversation, or other rituals—where expanded consciousness can happen.
4. Use the Tools of the Psyche: To recognize that fantasies, stories, and symbols are the psyche’s native language, and learning to work with them on an embodied level is key to transformation.
5. Break down the map of each person's unique erotic narrative and unlock their personal path to wholeness.

 

The Value of Using The deVinery Method

It’s not just a method for understanding sexual desire; it’s a set of practices and way of living.

When we enter this new relationship with desire, it changes everything - because everything is motivated by desire. 

Through The deVinery Method, we stop being leaves blown in the wind of desire, or leaves fighting the wind. We become leaves dancing with the wind, trusting it is taking us somewhere important.

Join Artemisia de Vine, founder of The deVinery Method, in exploring the fullness of your sexual potential and in using sex as the perfect playground for developing skills needed for living in fullness.

Indeed, for many, this is a spiritual path. 

 

The deVinery Method, including all associated concepts such as the Desire Compass, Sexual Fantasies containing unique erotic narratives/maps for ego dissolution using story-technology, the Three Paradoxes of Desire, and Generative Paradox, The Three Flips, Poisons and Antidotes - is the intellectual property of Artemisia de Vine. Unauthorized reproduction, adaptation, or use of this method without explicit permission is prohibited. 

 

 

This page is published Jan 17, 2025.